DEALING WITH GRIEF

May 25.

Not the best day of my life. Could possibly be the worst day of my life. Sitting here writing this the morning of May 29 still feels unreal. I actually had a dream that it was unreal. He actually came to me in my dreams. I haven’t prayed since it happened because every time I try to pray Im not sure what to say. It’s not that me and my family didn’t know it was coming.

I got the call May 11 that they were putting my grandfather in hospice. Obviously, it’s the circle of life that people die but my grandfather was 65 years young. My grandmother called me and said they were going to put my papa in hospice. I wish I could find the words to tell you how I felt. Mostly in a daze, I booked my ticket to fly across country that Monday. Saturday before Mother’s Day, I remember praying to god that he would not only allow my papa to live until I arrived but really prayed that he wouldn’t die on Mothers Day because that would ruin it for me.

Also, that Saturday morning I had to teach my normal Saturday Zumba class and honestly after teaching Friday there was no way I could show up to do so. I wasn’t in the right frame of mind and just was over everything at that point in my life. I could barely make myself take a shower, and probably thats the only place I could cry loud and my kids wouldn’t hear. Anyway, my lovely Zister (Zumba sister) subbed for me and that I am forever thankful for.

I made it to Colorado and stayed until May 22. I am so thankful that I was able to spend the last couple of days with him. I am blessed that my job allowed me the time off, blessed that I was still able to help my clients and blessed that my in-laws were able to take the kids.

I deal with grief differently than my husband but I appreciate him being present and letting me deal and still dealing with my own grief my way.

I went back to teaching May 27, two days after my grandpa passed away. OMG. I didn’t want to go. I was thinking “how can I even teach when I’m dealing with this” “how can I dance and be happy when I just got one of the biggest blows in my life”. I then heard a voice in my head saying the “show must go on”. My college friends actually came into town that week and showed up to my class.

It felt so good going in and giving all that I had! The energy from the class was amazing and something that I needed. For one hour my heart was full and all the frustration I took it out on my SQUATS! LOL!

I wrote this to tell you no matter what your dealing with grief, stress, whatever make yourself a priority for 1 hour. Give your workout all you got for 1 hour! You will feel better after and you will feel better knowing your pushed yourself.

 

My Facebook post one hour after my Zumba class:

“So I have been mourning the loss of my grandfather. I took some time away from social media and coaching. In that time I had 2 more clients sign up which is amazing. 

I remember the Saturday before I flew to Colorado I knew I couldn’t get up and teach my Zumba class. I was up all night and had no strength to do so. I wasn’t physically exhausted but emotionally exhausted. Thank god for my amazing zister for subbing for me. My grandfather passed away Thursday and this morning I woke up ok but kind of dreading to go to class.

When your the instructor you not only have to keep up your energy but the entire classes energy up too! Here it is almost 11am and I have yet to cry. I allowed myself one hour of pure dancing, having fun and not thinking about the tremendous loss my family has just encountered. We burned calories, dance our hearts out and guess what I feel 100% better today. I feel like I can get through this.

This is proof that working out not only make you better physically but also mentally. I also had special visitors today, my friends came from out of town and took my class this morning ❤️” #myheartisfullrightnow #thankfulformystudents #zumbalove

RIP TO ONE OF MY FIRST LOVES, MY PAPA
If heaven had a phone I would call you just to hear your jokes, or to hear you call me babydoll.

 

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